Ending or Beginning
by different interpretations
Summary: Inspired by the Season 11 promo, it's just a scene that has been in my head and needed to get out. Be kind, it's my first fanfic ever. I'm sure I'll be obsessively editing it until I die or delete it altogether. Have a sequel or two planned; we'll see how they develop.
1. Chapter 1

He subconsciously rubbed the palm of his right hand over his chest. "Not again." The words fell out of his mouth before he could stop them.

Her head swung around and their eyes locked in the heat of the moment. "What do you mean, 'not again'?" Ziva spat out.

_Now you're in for it, Junior_, he thought to himself as he steeled himself for a conversation several years in the making. Softening his glance from rage to ominous, he took a deep breath and growled, "So, you're going to do your best Harrison Ford impression from The Fugitive? You're going to go on the run by yourself to prove your innocence?"

"Tony, I am a target and we do not know why. Anyone I love is also a target as long as I am around. There is no _choice_ in my leaving. To protect you and what is left of my family, I need to leave. And I will not be alone all of the time; I'll meet up with Monique or Shmeil or Adam when it is safe, I promise." Ziva tried to sound reassuring with that last statement, but her voice quivered. Just the thought of someone else she loved hurt or dead because of her was too much. Tears came far too easily these days and they were threatening to make another appearance. She had to look away quickly.

Tony winced at that last name. If this was their last conversation, he needed to stop hedging his bets and go all in. "What about us, Ziva? Why won't you let me help you? Why don't you think I am a safe bet? The last time you went off into the world by yourself, you had reason to leave me behind. You thought I killed your boyfriend to save my 'worthless ass'. Those were your exact words. It took me a while, but eventually I understood that. We DiNozzos may be slow, but we're not stupid." A ghost of a grin momentarily surfaced beneath the stubble on his face, vanishing just as fast. "But then you disappeared, not a word, even to McGee or Abby. It took all of us to figure out what had happened, despite what we feared, we worked together to do something about it. Did you think Somalia was just a vacation for me? What have we been doing these last few years, the post-elevator us, telling each other the important things and the things that matter?" It may have been a cheap shot to throw Rifkin and Africa in that mix, but he decided to play all of his cards, even the jokers.

She took a small step towards him and reached out for his hand. "Until I can figure out why someone is coming after me, I cannot risk being near anyone too long, especially you." Pausing, she gazed down as their hands interlocked and as she carefully chose her next words. "Tony, I care too much about you as a fr…"

"Do _not_ use that word!" Tilting his head up as he stared incomprehensibly at the ceiling, he couldn't believe she said it again. "I let it slide in May, but do not trivialize what we are." He spun around, ripped his hand from hers and let his head drop into his palm. _So much for playing the jokers_, he sighed, rubbing his face; _guess the joke's on me_. Angrily, he decided to step away before his last chance was blown. Without another word, he walked outside and continued until the trees surrounded him.

The venom in his voice brought her up short. She stared at the place where he had just vacated as the sound of the door closed; her hand still hung bereft in the air where it had been ruthlessly abandoned. Before he turned away, she had seen something in his eyes. Was that pain? She was always drawn to his eyes. No matter what they were going through, she could always recognize the support in Tony's eyes. If a case was too emotional, his eyes could be piercingly focused; if the situation too tense, they would bring the laughter. Nothing comforted her more than when Tony's eyes found hers. Well, except at their last crime scene, after they had words about Parsons.

_No!_ The realization was enough to wake her back to the present. It wasn't Parsons; it was what he had interrogated her about. Adam. Ziva shook her head as if to clear her mind. Is he still angry over that? She doesn't work for NCIS anymore; there isn't anything wrong with her relationship with Adam now. It had to be more than that. Going over their conversation, it dawned on her: she mentioned Adam as someone she'd reach out to for assistance and not Tony. Didn't he realize she was doing that to keep him alive? She could endure any hardship in the world as long as he was still in it. He was the only thing that matter; the one important thing in her world! No time to stop and think when that happened, she flew through the house only pausing once to open the door to the backyard. Practically skipping, she shouted out to him.

An clipped answer emerged from among the orange trees."Ziva, keep it down. Did you forget you're supposed to be in hiding?" Elated he hadn't left the grounds, Ziva headed straight for the source of that voice. She reached him only a few rows into the thicket and approached him with care. Facing him, looking him directly in his clear, blue eyes, she sought repentance and redemption.

"Tony, I am sorry about Adam." She saw him grimace before glancing away, but let his pain be her courage to continue. "When you saw me at the airport, I wanted so much to ask you to come with me. But I did not think I deserved it; I was sure God had just taken my father as some sort of punishment for me. I had just broken my father's heart by telling him his sins were too great; surely mine should not be healed so quickly. When I needed someone to talk to, Adam…"

He held his hand up to stop her. "Ziva, you don't need to explain anything to me. NCIS legal geeks maybe, please, feel free to spare me any details." His internal monologue screamed for her to shut up, but he couldn't bring himself to say those words out loud. No matter what she said, he wasn't going to let her feel alone or unwanted again. Strands of her hair flitted in the wind just in front of her eyes. Without thinking, he tucked them behind her ear and continued to caress down her cheek. Her eyes always took his breath away, but now they were swimming in unshed tears. It was his undoing. "Okay, give me the details." And he tried to prepare his heart for what he thought he was about to hear.

"No, Tony, it was you I wanted." She barely spoke above a whisper. "It was always you, then and now. You are what matters to me; I love you. And as long as I am able to, I will protect you, even if that means not…"

For the third time that afternoon, Tony interrupted her, but this time he didn't speak. His hand never left her cheek when he heard her declaration. Grasping her nape for purchase, he instantly brought their lips together. What he failed to voice, he poured into this kiss, professing all he had with fierce emotion. Not to be undone, Ziva answered with the same passion, pulse for pulse. Their tongues entwined in a tangle more intimate than a waltz.

A flutter among the leaves shattered the moment and they both turned to watch a pair of birds in flight. Tony had moved to step in front of her, turned to face her again. His hands reached for her waist as he rested his forehead to hers, eyes closed. Danger lurked, but it didn't intrude this time. He knew they couldn't stay here much longer, but he wasn't leaving alone. Convincing his stubborn ninja of this might take a while yet.

Breaking contact, Ziva pulled back just enough to look at him. She couldn't tear her eyes from his face; drinking in every nuance, every subtle distinction, every wrinkle from his furrowed brow. He was like the last chalice of water in the Israeli desert and her thirst begged to be quenched. Bringing both hands up caressing his face, a smile slowly formed on hers, "You should keep the beard." She laughed quietly.

He would not be distracted. "You can't just make a declaration of love like that and still plan to leave. You don't need to do this on your own. Again. Come back to NCIS with me and we can figure this out. Do you think Abby, McGee and the Boss wouldn't want to help as well?

"And what will stop them from killing you in your apartment? Or taking out Gibbs in his basement? Or blowing up the Navy yard and I lose all of you? I am scared enough just being with you right now, Tony. I have contacts here in Israel and throughout the world who are already looking into this. I will not put any more lives in jeopardy, especially my family." Her voice rose barely above a whisper, but carried with fierce intensity.

That obstinate look of determination she was giving was not foreign to him; he had seen that steeled will in her eyes on several occasions. This time, however, it frightened him to his core. Tony felt her entire body tense when she mentioned family. That was her kryptonite; the very thing that could crush her soul. How could he overcome that? His heart shattered knowing what needed to be done.

"I will not stop trying to solve this, regardless if you're at my side or," inhaling deeply, he continued vehemently, "if you're 3000 miles away. Life has no meaning without you in the world. I love you; you are my reason for living. If letting you go is what I need to do to keep you alive, then so be it. But, Ziva, you need to do me one favor."

A sense of complete elation filled her when she heard Tony finally acquiesced to her leaving. Basking in relief and heartache, the word favor barely registered in her brain. Her future was uncertain, but he would be safe and that mattered most to her now. She'd find a way to survive without him near her. Tears were pooling again, but she met his gaze steady on. Thoughts of their conversation in Berlin about favors swam through her head when she finally responded, "What kind of favor, my little hairy butt?

Chuckling through the heartache, the smile reached his eyes as he took her left hand and brought it up to his lips for a kiss. "Ziva. Sweetcheeks. My ninja love, marry me."


	2. Chapter 2

Silence was not quite the answer he had hoped for; neither had he expected the daggers of anger shooting from the beautiful brown eyes of the woman he had just proposed to. Still, his eyes stayed locked to hers, demanding a response.

Finding her voice after the shock of what he said penetrated, Ziva scolded. "Tony, we must settle all ties after today. When we part, there can be nothing that will connect us except the past. I will not leave any trail back to you, paper, electronic, or whatever. I am leaving to protect you; why is that so hard to understand?" Shaking with fear again, she tried to pull her hand back, but he wouldn't release that either.

"It's 'sever all ties', Sweetcheeks, and I understand exactly why you're leaving me," Tony responded matter-of-factly, with a whisp of a smile. He was really going to miss those Ziva-isms. With more intensity, he persisted. "And I'm asking you to be my wife. You are my reason for living. If we can't be near each other physically, let me live in your heart and you in mine. We can hold on to that and still let each other go." Entwining his fingers with hers, he prayed it meant as much to her as it did to him.

She knew leaving him would be difficult, but why did he need to insist on making it the hardest thing she ever lived through? "A Jewish wedding follows strict rules. It's not something you can just decide to do one afternoon like eloping to Vegas. Plus, it has the elusive paper trail; the ketubah is an integral part of the ceremony." Ziva felt like she was instructing a child, who had to have his own way. But in truth, her argument barely convinced herself. She slipped her hand from his grasp and ran her fingers through her hair in exasperation. Slowly turning away from Tony, her shoulders slumped in defeat. How can she talk him out of what she half-wanted herself?

"Just so I'm clear on your answer, your only objection is to the ketubah, right?" He had to find solution because she was going to leave despite what happened here. Like a dying man gasping for each breath, he suddenly became the proverbial desperate man in desperate times. "Surely you must know a rabbi who could perform the ceremony without having the paper part. We can just verbalize what would be included in that. There has to be someone who can just preside over the vows. It doesn't need to be legally binding, but I want us to be married in the eyes of your God." Taking a deep slow breath as he rushed through that, not sure knowing how she'd take the drastic measures he'd just thought of. Now he could only stare at her back and hope.

"Shmeil." The name floated through the air like a whisper. If Tony didn't care that it wasn't legal, anyone could bless their union. Shmeil would be the perfect person. After all, he was who she turned to for spiritual guidance. But would he break from tradition for her? Ziva turned to face Tony again, this time smiling as she repeated, "Shmeil."

Tony hadn't realized he was holding his breath until she turned around with a possible solution on her lips. But when it was uttered, he looked up to the sky, closed his eyes and mouthed a thank you. Elated beyond belief, he practically danced forward to scoop her up and swing her around again and again.

Laughing at her partner, Ziva placed her hands on his shoulders to steady herself. Things were moving so fast all of a sudden and she wanted to savor each moment as it came. It would be a long time again before they could be this joyous, so living each moment to the fullest also meant making memories that could withstand the long separation. That would come eventually, but for now, she needed to take a page from Tony's book and have some fun. Looking down into her favorite set of eyes, she grinned as though all was right with the world. "You're going to have to put me down eventually so I can contact him."

He let her slide down his body slowly, never losing her gaze. When they were face to face, he captured her lips again. The warmth of her lips matched the sun as he deepened his assault. She twined her fingers in his hair and countered. He didn't let up until he heard her moan against his mouth. "How quickly can he get here?" panted Tony.

Ziva had to leave the grounds to make the call, much to Tony's dismay, and promised not to be long. While she was gone, he went through the house looking for paper to write his thoughts. The two of them may have joked about not wanting to bother with things like vows and such around the time of Palmer's wedding, but now that Tony was facing his own, he didn't want to blow the opportunity. Finally, in a room that must have been Eli's office at one time, he found a desk that supplied him with some of the necessary essentials.

Getting comfortable in the office chair, he thought of all-things-wedding that were mentioned in that conversation. The vows-he was taking care of now; the kiss would happen naturally. Hmmm…he might not make it to the end of the ceremony if he kept thinking about that. Forcing himself to move on, he focused on what else was in that conversation, the ring.

What could he use for a ring? Back home Tony had his mother's ring, but that would have to wait until they do something official. Nothing in his movie repertoire made sense in the moment either, there was no bubble gum wrapper or twist tie in sight. It needed to be personal, but not overtly; something she could have with her but nothing identifiable. Sitting back, he pulled open the lower left drawer; i_t wasn't snooping if you didn't know what you were looking for, right_? Forging on through the guilt, he moved a few things around and found nothing but papers, reports, and a few books. Did he really think he could find something that quickly or easily?

He went through the rest of the side drawers and came up with nothing. Glancing at his watch, he knew that Ziva would probably be back any minute and he was still one small circle short. Size 5 to be exact, if he remembered correctly. She mentioned it once sitting in her own desk back at the office. So many memories of her there; it was going to be tough working without her. He'd deal with that later as he shook his head clear. One more drawer and then he'd have to revert to ripping a page from Shakespeare or something. _Ha! She'd probably stab him with a bookmark or something for desecrating a book, _he thought to himself_._ Pulling open the middle drawer, there it was right in front of him the whole time, the perfect item. Smiling, he got to work on both his vows and her ring.

Ziva took a little longer than she originally thought. Once she reached Shmeil by phone, she had to bring him up to date on everything. She had already been in touch with him for help on who was targeting her, but he didn't realize she was back in Israel for the moment. She was a bit hesitant in relaying to him Tony's suggestion. Her apprehension vanished quickly as Shmeil only needed to know that it was her wish as well before agreeing. A bit unorthodox admittedly, but given the circumstances, he understood the need for a little improvisation. A quick promise not to be later than 2 hours and their conversation ended.

Without a sound, Ziva slipped back in to the house like a mouse. Curiosity had her wondering what had Tony so engrossed that he wasn't pacing the floor waiting for her return. As the main room and kitchen were void of any noise, she figured he had to be in one of the bedrooms or her father's office. The latter being closer, she opted to check there first. She stopped just short of a collision with her partner at the threshold as he was leaving the room.

Stuffing something in his right front jeans pocket, Tony reached out with his left hand to steady Ziva as she lost her balance in the near impact. "Woah, you came out of nowhere! Didn't hear you come back. I was just coming to check on you." He took a moment to gauge her demeanor before asking, "Were you able to get in touch with Shmeil?"

Ziva nodded her head and looked into his eyes, "Yes, he promised to be here as soon as possible. Tony, tell me I'm doing the right thing."

He embraced her and took a breath before saying, "Hey, don't feel you need to do this for me. If you're not ready…"

Interrupting, she quickly relieved his pain, "No, you misunderstand me. I _want_ to do this. But am I putting us all in more danger by delaying my departure? And now with Shmeil coming out here, it is just one more person drawn into the line of fire."

Lifting her chin, Tony stared deeply into her beautiful, brown eyes. "You will be gone for who knows how long, so just give yourself, _give us_ 24 more hours. We will be okay." He could feel her relaxing a bit in his arms and then he added, "Shmeil can take care of himself. And, well, I don't know if _you_ know this about me." Whispering, he added, "but I'm a federal agent, _shhh_." He capped his speech with a wink and a nod for levity.

Chuckling, Ziva tightened her embrace in thanks. She could always tell him anything, no matter how embarrassing or personal. Right then she promised herself that would be the last time she would allow any self-pity or doubt for the next 24 hours. "Ok, I need to find something to wear then. Apparently, I am going to be a bride today and I have no attendants." She pushed him away and turned to go.

"Well, wait a second. Don't brides get a shower or something beforehand?" Tony mockingly clung to her hands. "That's something I'm sure I could help you with, if you need it. Even if you don't need it, I'm still volunteering to assist you in your pre-wedding shower ritual- thingy."

"Go away," Ziva tore her hands away before he could get too caught up in his 'volunteering' and shoved him in the direction of what was her parents' room. "Go raid my father's closet for a tie or something; there should be something in there you might like. Get yourself presentable and whatever you," she paused for a little dramatic effect. Then she smiled and gave him a smoldering gaze, "don't shave."


End file.
